Empower Her

“Let her be the ocean. Encourage her to be as free as the ocean, as deep as the ocean, as wild as the ocean, and as powerful as the ocean.” -David Deida

Let’s peer behind the closed doors during a sexual episode, “Wow babe, damn baby, Oh my Gaawd, babay”. It’s not a porno, no acting, its actual bonding. Sounds you may hear from the love quarters of a sexually empowered couple. This session might have started with her giving him, The Look. A lick of the lips, a stroke down his back. Uttering a few illicit words, Some stimulating embraces with navigating hands, and fire hot foreplay resembling a steamy scene.

And so their intimate session went back and forth, until they both climaxed, like a well choreographed dance! Much of sex is like a dance two bodies moving in rhythm, working in harmony. This is why empowerment is so important, by both parties.

For “All the world’s a stage”, a popular quote in a play by the famous –William Shakespeare. I can’t think of anywhere this phrase is truer than in the bedroom when you’re performing for your #1 Fan. And this is the kind of show you not only aim to please, but want to be asked back for more than one encore! You’ve honed your skills through many rehearsals, so turn down the lights and produce some remarkable enjoyment. Every man loves it when he and his lady are both sexually liberated in the bedroom! While the concept is simple enough to understand, somewhere, somehow, something gets lost in translation. If preconceived erroneous notions of bedroom formalities by either partner enters the sex den, you can forget about creating a spectacular sexual collaboration with your partner.

All too often cultural morals, religious views, dominant male paradigms, or feminine stereotype paradigms has ill equipped us to be great sexual counterparts. When it comes to sex, in a way our society has done women a disservice. Women are taught they if they are too sexually expressive, indulgent, are just outright enjoy sex too much then they are sluts and dirty. Jessica Valenti in her book, ‘He’s a stud, She’s a slut: The Sexual Double Standard’ writes, “I was called a slut when I had the nerve to talk about sex. I was called a slut when I wore a bikini on a weekend trip with high school friends. It seems the word slut can be applied to any activity that doesn’t include knitting, praying or sitting perfectly still…” These are the types of situations and labels our women have to encounter. There are countless scenarios she may have to be dealing with, or trying to overcome while attempting to establish a good intimate relationship with her lover. The way I see it, your romantic escapades are up to her and you to define, and to create with pleasure.

Sexual empowerment can be an eye opening experience, but needs to be handled with the greatest of care. Each step of the way both partners need to feel understood, comfortable, and in control. Time will tell wether you are on two different wave lengths and just aren’t sexually compatible. A mate could be so sexually repressed or inexperienced that they don’t truly know how to relax and enjoy sex. If that’s the case be understanding and take things slow. More often than not it’s just a matter of getting both partners to open up. Determining if you two are sexually compatible shouldn’t be a major obstacle. As long as you are mostly on the same page when it comes to your bedroom antics.

Every mate has a kinky side and it’s up to you to find it. Theres a saying, “good girls are bad girls that never get caught”. Lol. Its funny but a lot of truth to it. Look at it as, its your job to help your partner find their sexual identity or as I like to call it, sexual ownership. It’s your job to find out your mates taboo fantasies if they have any. It’s your job to be your mate’s sexual caretaker. It’s you two’s private sexual odyssey, your journey to enjoy together.

In his article ‘5 Things Bad Boys Do In The Bedroom That Make Women Addicted To Sex’ Adam A Armstrong says “To demonstrate to your woman that you are strong and sexually confident, you must lead your woman in the bedroom. Real men lead in the bedroom, whereas weak men expect their women to take the lead.” I agree with some of that ideology, but not all of it. Young males learn this mentality, and that’s the extent of their knowledge for sexual dynamics with a woman. Take woman! Me Tarzan! You Jane!. Don’t get it twisted, I’m not advocating a man take some permanent submissive role in the bedroom and expect his lady to be some kind of Dominatrix (no offense if you’re into that sort of thing). The issue Im relating to here stems from our male dominant society. This is the reason that men can be totally oblivious to the idea of nurturing our female counterpart’s to also become great lovers. Maybe because we want it to be all about US, or maybe some other reason. But we need to Let it be about Her too! Just like a guy sexing up his woman can be a great ego stroke, a woman using her ‘sex intelligence to make his toes curl, can be a good ego boost as well. Recording artist The Dream has a song entitled “Sex Intelligent” yes, its an actual song title. In the song He goes on to brag about his sexual prowess and how addicted his lover is to his pleasure giving savvy. As men, this is what we aspire to in the bedroom. To us, this is the Pinnacle. To show her, Your expertise. And if the proof is in the pudding, ie; her multiple orgasms, lol, its hard to see why you argue otherwise. Except for one thing. You CAN argue otherwise. The level above this so called Pinnacle, is, Sharing The Stage, allowing your lover to express her sexual savvy, ownership, and Empowerment as well.

You know the expression iron sharpens iron. Yeah another cliché right. But it makes a great analogy. The more empowered and on top of her game your partner is, the better for the both of you. You have a legitimate ying and a yang. A compliment of each other, a complete circle. When one tool is constantly sharpening the other, or one energy source constantly re-energizing the other your capacity for intimate play and pleasure just increased exponentially. An empowered woman in a bedroom carries her own weight. She plays her part in the show. Breaking the mold of the average shell all begins with Empowerment! What are some ways to go about doing this?

Inviting your partner to increase their sexual aptitude should flow in a natural progression. One thing is for sure no amount of coercion is going to get you anywhere is the Relationship needs aren’t first met. “Women have difficulty separating sex from emotions such as closeness, attachment, trust, love and support.” says Dr. Jennifer Berman, MD of Medicinenet.com. So make sure your mate feels like you have her best interest at heart and aren’t being condescending.

Did you know that in order to successfully communicate, you have to meet in the middle. Empowerment isn’t about changing someone. We are talking about taking someone under your wing, developing them by communicating. Psychologically you have to understand where the other person is coming from for effective communication. Put yourself in there shoes so to speak. The same is with sexual empowerment and development; you first want to meet your mate halfway. Let her know how you feel, that you are unrestrained by male or feminine stereotypes, and she needn’t be bound by them either. The goal is to create an environment where sexual expression for one another is second nature, creative and frequent. Reassure her you have the utmost love and respect for her and what you do is between you and her ONLY.

 Because everything you do for a good woman, will come back to you a hundred fold. I promise you, you’ll be no less manly for it! You just might have created a beautiful Monster!

Let’s chop it out. Leave a comment of what you think it means to be sexually empowered.