Objectify You

“Some women are lost in the fire; some women are built from it.” -Michelle K.

“Confidence is owning your own authentic truth.” -G. Bernstein

“I think it’s quite possible we were born for each other.” – Diego Rivera, Frida Kahlo

A lively Friday evening in So Cal. Its date night, great restaurant, exquisite eats, enticing vibe. As dinner settles the lights dim, chatter quiets, a drum riff drops and a spotlight emits revealing the silhouette of a perfect frame. She is poised in a pose struck so hard flamingos would be jealous. Her long brunette waves falling ever so gracefully down her pronounced back. She commences slowly with a confident sexy ease.

No welcoming smile from this diva, she maintains a beaming gaze with a seductive sparkle in her eyes. Leather corset hugging her curves like a sports car. She parades down the cat walk swaying hips hard from side to side at each bass drop of the music. Sleek hosiery kissing her smooth toned thighs feature her diamond-shaped calves. Core stamina exemplified in each artistic maneuver on the center pole. A surplus of passion emerges from her pores to infiltrate the circulating air. She bears an egocentric charisma that birth from erotic prowess. We marvel at this well practiced burlesque dancer. For the moment she is our goddess in the art of seduction captivating the whole audience! Advantage, hers.

all gentlemen

Yet it depends on who you ask. Some would quicker condemn it as filth and lewd conduct than art. The viewpoints you’ll get are all across the board. Some from aware women concerned with the lustful and objectified way in which women are portrayed. And other’s frustrated on a personal level with daily challenges she receives from the behavior of young men influenced by the perpetuation of a chauvinist mentality.

Is a ‘sex sells’ capitalistic culture shattering their faith in humanity? An agenda of exploiting young women’s sex appeal is certainly not restoring it. Many are disheartened by the lack of defenders of female’s image. Some to the point of being quite disillusioned. One young professional in her online blog expressed her feelings:

“When was the last time you heard a man describe a woman with an adjective that isn’t dripping in sexual innuendos and defaming premises? When was the last time you heard a man describe a woman by something that compliments her soul and her inherent elegance? When was the last time you heard a man describe a woman as beautiful?” –Lauren Martin, ‘The Actual difference between women who are hot and who are beautiful’

I get it I get it. It’s overdue for men to collectively reflect on how we are contributing to the debasement of women. We live in a beauty-obsessed culture where women are condescendingly expected to ‘know their place’. Where is the emphasis placed on what really makes a woman attractive? Why can you sooner find a unicorn than a gentleman? It reminds me of the adage, “We live in a world where people know the cost of everything and the value of nothing.” These are manifestations of a skewed value system. Men toying with women’s feelings for sport like it’s a game. Human insecurities at their worst.

I’ll say this, A real man knows a woman’s worth. He’s not afraid to pay tribute to your abilities and talents. You’re his Queen. His Rock. You inherently are affection, intelligence, strength, charm, and passion culminated in one. Looks alone will never make a woman truly beautiful. Your internal essence is what makes you glow.

And while a Representative voice is beneficial inversely a dictating proponent could spell turmoil. It’s a negative when you see ‘organizations’ supposedly acting in your best interest who mostly seek to bully and shame you into fitting their narrow mold of some ideal. I think it’s a mistake to assume that all humans are robotically the same. When we know that we are all multi-faceted, all unique in many ways. What if who you really are, was frowned upon without validity solely because of someone else’ preference? What if the agenda was to control you by routinely discrediting your value, basing it on qualities you don’t possess and holding you to some impossible standard?


“We are constantly made to feel that we should be prettier, thinner, sexier, more successful, make more money, be better moms, better wives, better lovers, et cetera…the subtext is clear: We should feel bad because we have fallen short in so many ways from some imagined ideal–we have tummies, not abs; we are undesirable because we don’t always feel like sex kittens (or because we do); we are incompetent because we don’t have a color-coded filing system for our recipes or papers; we are not trying hard enough because we are not a senior vice president or on a corporate board or in a corner office. Even the very existence of the phrase “having it all,” no matter how it’s debated, is, in effect, implying that we’re somehow not measuring up.” –Arianna Huffington, Thrive

The pitfall is getting lost in the whirlwind, losing your center to a perfection syndrome. Don’t let the battle for women’s honor become a stumbling block for developing a beautiful passionate relationship with the love of your life.


When the very first human couple gazed upon each other it was love at first sight. She was the greatest creation Adam had yet beheld. The instant fascination, admiration, infatuation for Eve moved him to write the first poem ever. He said “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. He was to protect her, provide for her, love her, and be a lead for her. And though women don’t necessarily need to rely on anyone. Man’s job hasn’t changed.

And neither has his adoration for women.

 Bella Falconi

Ladies don’t demand that men fake the funk. Civilized manners, yes, Insincere, no. One of my concerns in hearing these women’s justified exasperations is that, in correction we go so far pushing beauty, sex, and intimacy to the other extreme that we make it obscure and taboo. To do this would be a disservice, not to mention making us hypocritical of something that was meant to be beautiful.

Regardless of the prevalent role that society tries to shape you in, you will know yourself, know your worth. There is nothing more alluring than a confident, strong-minded, empathetic, humble person. Nothing. There is no shame in owning your sexuality. Own it.

Men demonstrating respect for his better half is a key element. And I believe at the heart of the matter, it’s what we are really talking about. It’s not about how much or how little he drools over your aesthetics. But that he treats you with the respect and appreciation you deserve and need, in public and in private. If I’m infatuated with your lady lumps, it doesn’t mean I’m incapable of loving you. It doesn’t mean I’m blinded from valuing your character. It doesn’t mean I love you improperly, It doesn’t mean I love you more. It just means ‘I love all of you.’


The Misogynist’ Proposal

Came across a billboard the other day says I objectify you my dear

But I don’t think they know how I feel about you my dear

You’ve the cutest little feet I’ve ever seen

Your sense of style impeccable and your walk is mean

It a be a lie if I said it wasn’t your physique I first noticed

But you were the first to ever bring me to a place of purpose.

Dream state when I’m with you on a constant high

The last touch I want to feel before I die

That elated heartbeat you feel as you lay on my chest

Should let you know of anything you ask I’ll confess

Last week we had a day which seemed like a stress test

So we spent the whole night reversing its affects

When your honey pot deluges and I start to release

That’s when I know our soul’s are at peace

Two things I love the sound of my name off your lips

And lazy days together spent caressing your hips

A beautiful mind you’re my coach when I’m off my game,

Just the right words to put the picture in a new frame

Like a wild horse my love comes of the passionate kind

As I ravish you in the moonlight you never seem to mind

You had me out the gate I was anxious from the start

But I fell in love when I saw the size of your big heart

They say for a shallow man loyalty is too tall of a task

Just don’t lose that spark in your eyes is all that I ask

Mesmerized by our connection, when we come around they perk up and listen

But what we do behind close doors is only our business

I give my oath and my honor if you tell me you can stand

These candid words from a misogynist man.

One thought. Passionate minds have always encountered great opposition. Don’t expect everyone to understand. “He looked at her the way all girls wanted to be looked at.” ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald. Yes.… To be objectified by the right person, for the right reasons, in the right way, is a blessing. 


Leave a comment, share your thoughts. Lets chop it up!

A Perpetual Stirring Kiss

A certain percentage of women prefer kissing over sex. But the old saying goes “It’s all downhill after the first kiss.” That built up tension like a silent storm brewing. A chemistry surmounting to detonate once and for all into a lip-lock pinnacle frozen in time. Never to be equated. Or can it? Well I say never stop trying.

Pull the body close Peer into the eyes

Peek at the lips and back at the eyes

 Faint aroma of body fragrance, all senses heightened

An ecstatic nervous fervor grips as muscles tighten


Sex brain engaged eyes dilated you taunt your raspberry target

Pause briefly as you feel the sensation of warm inviting breath

Moisten your beak with a quick swipe


Glide in, Slight tilt of the head

Facial scope matched like puzzle pieces

Commencing tenderly, moderately pressed upon plump peaches


Slow deliberate exchanges reaffirm affection

Take your time and sample your lover’s essence

 So Soft and supple as jubilant electrodes explode off the lip’s tip

They tingle on you playfully and you hold back from a nip


Slips of your succulent wand flow over the rim’s contour like afternoon breezes across rolling hills

you can only surrender to this spell binding thrill

 Flush from the rush they swell and pout

Teaseful Tongue pats greet each other while you nibble about


Gauge your partners delight with each intuitive movement of this non verbal conversation

Match the energy submit to the flow using telepathic communication

 The pace surmounts becoming intoxicated on each others mouthpiece

Harder to hold back now you open further in a state of reception

 Resembling a tango you grapple this bubblegum limb

Arousal and desire take the lead, now you’re really in

 Passion built head tucked a slight suck then release

Adrenaline running and a soothing calm of tantric peace


Not missing a morsel feasting on your mate’s pomegranate treat

Oblivious to the surroundings lost in the moment

Reluctant to pull chops apart as you drink in your last helping of exhilaration

You just had a stirring kiss and it was better than imagination

 The kiss

Sex Brain – The secret of prowess

“If you want an extraordinary sex life, entertain extra ordinary thoughts.” –RJC

Accept who you are; and revel in it.” ― Mitch Albom

 One afternoon during a browse of online dating articles I stumbled on an interesting enlightenment and confirmation. The would-be tag line of the article read;

“Sexual complaints are common within our culture, however they present differently in men and women. Men complain more about function and women complain more about desire.” -Juliet K. Mavromatis, MD http://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2011/02/lack-sexual-interest-common-sexual-complaint-women.htm

The alarming evidence excitedly made me ponder to what degree I could remedy. Inspiration had struck!

Today we’re going to unleash the ‘sex god’ within you. It’s fun, but it’s not a game. Commencing right now, this second. With no fancy gadgets or made-up gimmicks. We are going to do it using the number 1 sex tool on the planet! Your psyche, that’s right your Sex Brain! I just ask one favor; PLEASE PLEASE for pete’s sake toss out that old rusty dusty sex paradigm you’ve been stuck in. You know what I’m talking about. Those preconceived notions about sex you’ve held onto since the beginning never really serving you well. Only acting as growth barriers trapping you into mediocrity and putting your lover’s to sleep from boredom. ZZzzzzzz! Lol.

The genius Einstein said “Imagination is more important than knowledge.” That speaks volumes here. When mind blowing sex is birthed, it was conceived at sex brain. It’s the residence of clairvoyant creation where all preparations are made for future fruition. Like a salivated palate before the taste, the mysterious brilliance lies within vivid imaginative eroticism; a foundation designed by you the architect. A habitual contemplation, capable of leaving you feeling its affects long after the cerebral musing has passed. A condition of elated illustrious anticipation, a.k.a. Marination.

straddle your mind

Much more than some juvenile hyperactive ‘horn dog’ state. This is control of your psyche. Abiding in your mental picture long before tongue and flesh meet, before heated torsos are pressed together, It harbors its plot with the potency of a mischievous expert. It is more than a glorified ‘dirty mind’. Put it this way if a ‘dirty mind’ is for novices, sex brain is for professionals. A ‘perv’ with a smut appetite may temporarily get quick “jollies” from a heated genital area, but sex brain will have your whole body aglow. You are a junior creator. Use of your constructive ingenious mind can cause an aura flow to surround your sex energy. Management of it is to your benefit, yielding it only at will is your mastery. You’ll know ‘what’ you’re doing, ‘why’ you’re doing it, and ‘how’ to do it.

“We are programmed to do so,” sex therapist Richard A. Carroll, associate NorthwesternUniversity psychiatry and behavioral sciences professor says. “Asking why people have sex is akin to asking why we eat. Our brains are designed to motivate us toward that behavior.”  -Kelli Miller, http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/why-people-have-sex.

It’s a pattern of thought, a philosophy if you will. To be used by responsible adults. Anyone can be horny, but sex brain fastens its roots and development in a healthy self-esteem, confidence, intelligence and Passion. You can dream while you are wide awake. It is empowerment to a healthy libido. Humans are robust sexual beings that think about sex more than we admit to. Except who are we kidding, there’s no sweeping that under the rug. Encourage it! Guide that into an expressive nature in your relationship.

We’re talking about admittance with no apologies. It is sustained by an abysmal ownership of your sexuality. Regardless of age it can refortify the kundalini, the sexual nature you are born with, your natural sexual gift. And it fuels your longevity. Instead of depending upon some external source to generate your interest in intimacy, use your own self-initiation power. It’s there! It’s always there! At times you just need to quiet down your spirit and listen to it. Don’t let your aptitude depend solely upon your hormonal levels. Be intentionally cognitive of your own spirit.

“The autonomic part of the peripheral system regulates many functions…but which can be brought under conscious control through bio-feedback and yoga techniques. The sympathetic aspect of the autonomic system generally comes into play when we experience strong emotions, while the parasympathetic system tends to be active when we are calm and relaxed.” – Jeffrey Mishlove, PhD, ‘The Roots of Consciousness’ http://www.williamjames.com/Theory/BIOLOGY.htm

Sex brain utilizes the mystic ‘sixth sense’ on a dreamscape. Practice makes perfect, the more you use it, the stronger and more lucid they will become until it appears to you as plain as day HD 3D. you can taste, smell and feel as if you are already there. A trance-like zone can give you chills and goose bumps when you’re doing it right. When you can sedate yourself like codeine with just a thought. You’re starting to master it. If you wonder about the fantasy being better than the real thing; well then there’s your goal; put yourself in that same state of mind when it’s game time. Don’t’ break character, Stay in touch with your alter-ego and you’ll have nothing to worry about. Keep your body lively, keep your mind right. “The emotion of sex contains the secret of creative ability… [It] is an irresistible force…When driven by this emotion; men become gifted with a super power for action.” -Napoleon Hill, “Think and Grow Rich”. One can increase their sexual functioning, desire, or prowess just by psychologically summoning it. Just by wanting to. Little wonder why people that propel themselves to greatness usually have a lot of sex appeal and vibrance.

sex brain

So size your opponent up! Yes I said it! Size them up. Observe every inch of their specimen. Check them out! The legs, hips, chest, glutes, neck, shoulders. How would you engage? Use your intuition. Where would you touch and how would you touch it? Picture yourself giving it a caress, and a rub down, tasting it, no, savoring it. Are you the kind to trounce upon full bite like a wild cat? Or would you steadily glide upon like a boa constrictor strong grip squeezing? Massage ideas like these. Sex brain is the method to the madness. You better start having answers to these questions if you plan to stand out. I’ll tell you a secret. Actually I’ll give you two secrets. Every person on planet earth thinks their ‘stuff’ is the best on earth. Yep! Better than anybody else’. And the second secret is. A few people actually are. On women it’s called the ‘good good’ on men it’s called the ‘act right’. The goal is to actually be one of those rare lovers. To be immortaled, irreplaceable in the mind of your Love. You wanna be owner of their heart and their lusts that you earned deservedly so. Cus you took it with your killer instinct!

Arranging the scene is not silly and Consistent performance is not an accident. You got visions, build them! You’re the commander and Chief of your sex life. Don’t let if fall apart on your watch. Your lover’s moans should sound like the sweetest music. So flick the switch and welcome to the other side.

What are your thoughts? Leave a comment. Lets chop it up!

 Inspired Songs

Intuition – Jamie Foxx

Read your mind – Avant

112- U already Know

The Weekend – Life of the Party

Talk that talk – Rihanna

Made to love – John Legend

Role Play – Trey Songz

Best I ever had – Drake

All’s Fair in Love and War – (The Dating Game)


The phone rings it’s my good friend Robert. Me- “Whats up Rob!”  Rob- “Maaan bro, Im through! Im done! I’m never dating again. F*#k this shit”  Me – “why what happened?” Rob – “Saturday, me, my brother and some friends went to Xen lounge in Pasadena for his birthday and guess who I see. Angie!, and some dude alone at a booth. I was like WTF! I couldn’t believe it.” Me – “Whaa!, What did you do?” Rob – “I just flashed her look and walked away. She calls me the next day and says she has something to tell me. I’m like save it girl. She goes, you don’t understand, the guy you saw me with is Brian, my ex, He’s back from his tour, we’re getting back together, I still love him. I was floored, in 3 months she hasn’t mentioned him once. And all of a sudden this! Everything was going so good. They’re all liars’ man, I don’t trust anyone anymore.” Me – “Yea I know bro, it’s a cold game.” 

Scenes like this one are a daily occurrence. Visit any coffee house or cocktail lounge and you can overhear two discontented women discussing their boyfriend’s latest indiscretions. The culture of courting between men and women is evolving to nothing more than a manipulative mating power struggle with aspirations of procurement, convenience, and indulgence over communion and love. Bringing me to the cliché that rings profoundly in my head, “All’s fair in Love and war.” Hmm. What I ponder is; Can The Dating Game be fixed? Or are we just bound to accept things the way they are?

Fact, Dating is a game. Like it or not. Listen in; “Being too eager is a turn off! Not acting interested is sometimes the best way to spark interest.” –Serena Kang, socialite, Facebook post. “Unfortunately this is true. What sucks is if you actually are into the person but you have to play “the game” and act all standoffish. Dumb. Should just be able to keep it real!” –Amber Phillips, actress Facebook response to post. For whatever reason we are wired that way. If something comes too easily we assume it must have low value. Our interest needs to be sparked, sex appeal stimulated, our spirit engaged. And this is what a measure of “The Game” accomplishes. It’s simple human nature. But, somewhere along the way it went too far and sincerity became the opponent.

The genius mind, Albert Einstein was once quoted saying, “You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else.” Granted he wasn’t referring to keeping company but think about it, every game has rules right? Learn the rules then you can play. Wherein lays the issue. There are no rules in dating anymore. Very few follow some. The same as not having any. In countless conversations with singles, male and female, I hear the same dating predicaments over and over.

dont trust words

 Admittedly, dating and relationship hurdles are nothing new. You can see it in literature and music going centuries back. From Shakepeare, to Ella Fitzgerald, to the Rat Pack. They entertained with lyrics about the same courtship quandaries we deal with now. But it’s our modern approach and handling of these dilemma’s that has snowballed everything. Here’s lyrics from a popular R&B song describing the condition of young love these days “We live in a generation of, not being in love, and not being together But we sure make it feel like we’re together Because we’re scared to see each other with somebody else” – Drake, ‘Doing It Wrong’

A very candid and honest assessment if you ask me. That’s why not rushing in is still a smart move. “Taking it slow lets it unravel and keeps it fluid” –RJC. For the most part people are swept up into an ideology; approaching dating and their relationships like the bad business model that is so prevalent. The win/lose paradigm. If someone is winning then someone’s got to be losing. It’s a mentality of scarcity and greed. Bump that! When two people are inspired to collaborate life journeys, the joy is in finding ways to make it mutually beneficial. If you’re compatible that should be easy to do. I’ve seen lots of people enter the dating realm treating the opposite gender as the enemy. Swords drawn, doomed from the onset.

 “I feel like if a guy thinks he’s playing me, he’s not playing me, he’s playing himself, cus I’m a keeper.” -Sheila, bachelorette. Play win/win. Think with a win/win mentality. It’s more work because it involves taking our big fat ego out of the equation! Our ego doesn’t get so greedily stroked, like it often begs to be. With our big fat ego out of the way, we see a lot clearer and receive a much deeper fulfillment. It’s easy to get caught up in the fast lane whirlwind and lose your footing. The glitz and glamour of the big city is enticing. Recall the smart advice your folks gave you, everything that glitters isn’t gold. Beware, that scene is infested with the most charismatic snakes and opportunists. Know what you are looking for and know it when you meet it, not just by looks and words, but more importantly by acts. Some find reassurance in the wisdom of mentors and seasoned veterans. In any case, stand up for yourself and your values regardless of which way your support group of friends sway. First and foremost find Yourself! Find your own sense of identity and hold to it. Discover what integrity feels like within you. Being your own man/woman is way more sexy anyway sense a lot people are just clones, dying to fit in. Always remember one thing, not anyone could ever beat you at doing you!

 “I was given this world I didn’t make it”, some excuse playing shady as the only way to give themselves a fighting chance, a leg up? Well hey. A word to the wise, whatever course of action you choose, Karma is real, and whatever goes around, comes right back around. That’s universal law. It’s a sad thing to see a good person gone bad. Another member joins the Broken-hearts club. Once bitten twice shy. Carrying around the burden of hate and resentment is rottenness to the bones. Doing that is only going to affect your own happiness not anyone else, it’s “like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” But that’s your prerogative! To love who you wanna love! Some people date to find a trophy mate, some date to find a mate with resources. It’s also in your best interest to understand the inherent challenges that come with your particular style of preference. Sometimes we learn that which we are very attracted to is not so good for us compatibility-wise, turning us into something we are not. “Don’t be a hard rock, when you really are a gem” –Lauryn Hill. There’s nothing more frustrating than repeating the same mistakes.  

self worth

From my experience, people who consider themselves of real value, don’t play a lot of juvenile games, nor do they give time and energy to something that is not reciprocating it. Their mentality is, meet me halfway. I find that admirable. It’s exhibiting simply that if I bring my effort, you bring your effort. “If you want to be trusted, be honest. If you want to be honest, be true. If you want be true, be yourself.” If your dating strategies are beginning to resemble all the trickery of a championship chess match, you’re doing too much. If dating is breaking you down making you bitter, causing you to lose focus of your priorities, take a break from it. “We want what we want right at the moment we figure out that we want it. We are willingly giving up one of the most important things in life: the waiting period. Having to wait and having to deal with our urges and wants without instantly having them satisfied is what builds character and is what we are now lacking in this fast-paced age.“ Paul Hudson- ‘Why Men Aren’t Really Men Anymore’   

I’m a firm believer in timing. A better you will attract a better partner. Be the kind of partner that you’d want. “I’m learning trust is a two-way street. You can’t expect someone to trust you, when you don’t trust them.” -Crystal Orsini, debutante actress. Be honest with yourself and be up front with your prospects. If you lose you lose. I say take it on the chin. I’ve seen individual’s become caught in a pattern of taking steps designed to protect themselves, eventually forming a paradigm that entraps them into their own sub par level of game. Never materializing the results they really seek. “Hate is not the first enemy of love. Fear is. It destroys your ability to trust.” –Jewel Santini, model/actress.  

To minimize the roller coaster of dating we have to make sure “we are not getting in our own way”. For example if bad boys, bad girls happen to be your personal preference, don’t be surprised to find out you did not tame your beloved rebel when they start to demonstrate their restless antics. Finding a mate is a balancing act between heart and mind, or should I say desire and reason.balance heart mind

In years of watching relationship dynamics there have only been a handful of couples that I have admired and inspired me. They all had 1 thing in common. They were partners. There was energy of friendship and respect in their relationship. No, they didn’t possess parallel personalities; no they weren’t connected at the hip. It was their comparable perspective and philosophy on life that grounded them. They understood they were both on the same team. They were each other’s #1 Fan. No underhanded tricks, just common courtesies and a solid pact.

I do agree with author Steve Harvey on an aspect, “Don’t hate the player, Change the game!” –Steve Harvey. “The Game” which turns weak people into liars is here to stay. You can’t change or control what the herd does. But you can change your own microcosm world of the game. Do not fear the game, or think you need to avoid any level of risk whatsoever. Living is how you learn, mistakes is how you grow. Just know you don’t have to become a victim or casualty of the game becoming jaded forever. Conducting yourself with confidence and self-respect is all the protection you need. Make it “work” for you. Change how it entreats you, how it affects you, How it immerses you. A personally tailored version just for you. “Respect the game and the game will respect you back.” Maintain your good resolve, character and eventually you will be rewarded.


What are your major concerns about the dating game. Let’s chop it up!


 Inspired songs

Doo Wop (That Thing)- Lauryn Hill

Maybe I deserve – Tank

Doing Too Much- Paula Deanda

Just like me – Jamie Foxx

When I Fall in Love – Nat King Cole

On the run (part II) – Jay Z ft. Beyonce




Sex Spell

It’s a catatonic rapture you give your very soul to! A reverie you’ve feasted upon and are now a glutton for. The dopamine, the flush head, the deep breaths, the teeth grind, the lip bites. All leading to the anesthetic trance. Body and mind numb to all but the pleasure. So exhausted, yet overflowing with nervous energy. Limbs debilitated with a slight twitch. A high, a natural high, you’re afraid to come down from. Its your favorite delectable cocktail you greedily gulp like a lush. You drink and drink, but you get no fill, like a bottomless pit. Eyes draping to the rear of your head, like take me! Right before you crossover into an inebriated Daze. A clinched demeanor preceding paralysis. Overdosed! Capable of turning you into a drug fiend, a passion drug fiend. Destitute to its release! Devoted to its absolution. You’ve escaped to La La land. You’re under a sex spell.

What strange sorcery is this, such a tranquil hypnosis. This is beyond a mere orgasm. In fact it often succeeds multiples in occurrence. A mood far removed from any dismal existence.  No fears, no worries.

“A study conducted by QueensUniversity in Belfast, Ireland, found that sex on a regular basis is not only healthy for our bodies but also improves our overall length of life. –Forbes.com

Spell 1You might recall the movie, “How Stella got her Groove Back.” Novel idea I know, lol but its true. A much needed readjustment can work wonders! It could put you back on track feeling rejuvenated. I believe it 100%, great sex can be like that. But be careful, the right tool has the power to put you back on track or De-rail you. Choose an honest mate. Sex spells can be one helluva motivator.

“Man must not live upon bread alone.” In the realm of the universe you are more than blood and tissues requiring edibles for sustenance. What does that mean? You need to live on sex too! Lol. No but, that sounds good. Satisfying sex is not just nourishment for the body, its medicine for vitality. I’m talking about flow! Spiritual flow! Has much to do for your perspective, your demeanor. your confidence. The energy you exude that is your aura. In the ancient east it’s called, ‘Kama’ and ‘Artha’. Your overall sense of well-being. It’s how people can tell when your “getting some” and when you’re not. To an ‘aware individual sex benefits can reach even beyond an orgasm. It’s a whole other world. An escape! “Tell me you don’t want me to stop, tell me it would break your heea-aar-rrt” –Robin Thicke “Lost without u”.

But wait, wait, wait. Before you rush off on a trek to never never land and have your lover stroke you into oblivion. Something should be clear. You can’t just demand the energy. It’s a gift, its on loan, you get to borrow it, not command it. Don’t crash upon it. It’s not the big bang theory. You don’t get knocked into it. (well, kinda lol. No pun intended). First you must appease it. Gradually build up to the crescendo! The fried synapses help you float into it. When you feel it, transcend away. Free yourself of conscious thought. Like drifting deep into the ocean blue. It’s as if you’ve reached the peak and are granted a stay at its plateau wherein lies a perpetual dispense of euphoria. Capture it and relish it. The greater the desired impact, the more meticulous the approach. So don’t march into this journey like a power-hungry incompetent. Let it come. Diced Pineapples chorus – “Do it all night, til things get right.”

There is no finish line here you’re not looking for an ending. You’re completely in the moment. Surrendered to an eternal session. Seek your mate’s spirit out, connect with the passion, connect to the gratification, connect to the spell. You must give in, put your back into it, put your soul into it.  No sun is rising or setting on you. You’re free to let lose, you’re free to just be. If your mate needs help finding the zone, talk to them in that sexy voice, speak to them, let them know what you’re a feeling, give them details of your fulfillment. You are their sex toy. You’re here for them. Be a giver! Lyrics from Kelly Rowlands, Motivation, “And when we’re done, I don’t wanna feel my legs. I just wanna feel your hands all over me,…oh Lover, No other can do that the same. I wont let ya get up out the game, so lover gon and make me rain.” Spicy lyrics indeed.  It’s a fully vested initiative. At least until you can catch that wave. And ride it like pro Hawaiian surfer Big Kahuna style. If you want a cupid arrow through your soul mate’s heart. Then murder them. Right here. Right now. Stay in unison. Match their energy and infuse them with yours, move for move, stroke for stroke, position for position. Leave your darling in want “You got that lazy love, You got that I don’t wanna, That I wanna go no where,…that I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna do nothing” – Neyo Lazy Love

love finds u 1 Mix the few ingredients and assimilate them into an elixir. Love potion #9. lol. Its ignited from at least one of 3 ways and for 3 reasons. Ways: a) Infatuation b) Love or c) Prowess-spawning inundated relaxation. Reasons: a) Spirit-awareness. The Kamasutra calls the sexual energy, “Kundalini, aroused from the’ Root (chakra)-base of the spine, and travels up through and energizes all the chakras, revitalizing body and spirit.’ and b) Hormonal activity-neurotransmitters, dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin are helping fuel your lust and craving and c) Time-extended play, effects of being in such a state for such a length of time. Endorphins are released during long, continuous workouts, when the level of intensity is between moderate and high, and breathing is difficult. This also corresponds with the time that muscles use up their stored glycogen… has also been known to create feelings of euphoria and happiness.”  -Wikipedia. We could go further, but you get the point.

People call it different things, dick drunk, the zone, pussy whipped. If you’ve never been there, you may be skeptical. It’s literally like Robin Thicke calls it “Sex Therapy”. You need it. It keeps calling you. Deep puddles of love nectar, Seizure-like orgasms, puppy dawg eyes, constant requests for more, are all signs you are on the right path. Now go forth and conjure!

Ever been under someone’s sex spell? What was so special about them? Leave a message, Lets chop it up.



Inspirational Songs:

Rkelly- Echo

Sex Therapy – Robin Thicke

Novacain- FrankOcean

High for this- The weeknd

2012 – Chris Brown


Why Romance!

A passion clad 15th century young Knight, about to compete in his country’s most prestigious jousting tournament, summons his love. Being the star-favored, he wants to tell her, he’ll be winning this jousting tournament for her. She however says he’d win anyway for his own pride, and if he really loved her he’d lose for her. Surprised, he thinks about it, then accepts her challenge going on to do just that, ‘sitting still and getting slammed repeatedly by his opponents’ lances until she relents and informs him that, if he loves her, he won’t lose another match.’ Reinvigorated, her young stud bounces back to pummel his opponent, winning the tournament after all. Now ultimately reassured, she confesses her everlasting love for him.

When you hear stories like this, right away you know it must be from another era or fiction literature. And aptly so it’s a scene from one of my fav movies ‘A Knight’s Tale.’ A medieval romantic story! Some historian’s place the birth of Romance back to this time, after the end of the dark ages. It was much more than some brief period of infatuation during courtship. It was true grit! What happened to such noble, charming, grandiose manifestations of adoration? And why don’t most people think about enchanting their mates with such endearment?  All good questions.

Woman without mercy painting pic

Can you picture NFL quarterback Tom Brady purposefully losing the Super bowl game to prove his “undying” love for his model girlfriend Gisele Bundchen? Highly unlikely. Lol. So what’s my point? Well that’s exactly how you can interpret Romance, as foolish, impractical and illogical. Today we are much quicker to put limits on our love. A perspective which is not so conducive to romance. We now think in a more selfish nature. To corral love, to maintain it, to arrange it tidy and neatly, so as to be sensible about it. Ideals coming from the opposite place of which Romance flows.

Everything has changed, we are sidetracked now. Simply put, we’re too busy to care. Too busy balancing life’s whirlwind and managing the necessities. Even for those with half a mind to gratitude augment their relationship are left with little time for it. So we leave it unattended, to be trampled upon. Romance sounds more like an antiquated luxury than anything else. Its just not practical. Are we listening to ourselves?  Practical has very little place when it comes to Romance and Passion, to your mate’s spirit moving through you, about you, energizing you, inspiring you, fortifying you. That isn’t nothing to be ashamed up. This is something to be highly sought after. An object of envy. Have humans evolved to the point where we don’t need Love and Romance? Sure we’re in a technology age, things move lightning fast. But has our basic human needs changed? Personally, I don’t think so. I bet we just arrest our contemplation of it to stop fancying it. Romance just so happens to be a basic psychological need. The Maslow’s hierarchy of needs diagram lists; “A fulfilling relationship” of Love and intimacy. Psychologist William James says “The deepest principle of humans is the desire to be appreciated.” Somehow we’ve poked our own eyes out, blinded ourselves of who we are at our core. Have we gained anything in the 21st century by being more sensible about love? Im not sure, but it seems that less and less people are choosing to believe in the institution of marriage.

The saying is, You can’t gain big unless you’re willing to lose big. Very true for matters of the heart. Fear of the risk, fear of putting ourselves out there. Playing it safe. This is why most us never really get to live, merely exist! My favorite moment from another popular romantic comedy ‘Serendipity’, is when the best friend of the main character tells him an Epictetus quote  – “If thou wouldst make progress, be content to seem foolish and void of understanding with respect to outward things. Care not to be thought to know anything.” All that means is, if you aim to have a higher love, equipped with a healthy dose of Romance. If a passionate relationship is the only kind you will settle for. Don’t look at what your friends do, nor care what they say.

From my vantage point, when I look at the state of the concept of romance It seems to have been hijacked. Taken hostage for financial gain by big business. Why, because they can. Because we let them. I suspect many people don’t even know what Romance is anymore. Curious, I looked up the definition of romance in the dictionary. Here’s a glimpse from three sources; 1. Webster’s : a medieval tale based on legend, chivalric love and adventure, or the supernatural  2. Cambridge: a close, usually short relationship of love between two people 3. Babylon English: love affair, amour; tall tale, tale filled with exaggeration; narrative or poem about chivalry and/or heroic adventures.  WTF! What the hell are you talking about? Is what I was thinking. No wonder people don’t know what Romance is. No wonder we spend thousands of dollars searching for these remote luxuriant places, Affluent restaurants, diamond-studded jewelry, all to capture a sense of it. We are lost, we rely on someone else to tell us what it is.

We better figure it out for ourselves quick!, before they make it so expensive that you can’t afford it. But Im telling you, you can have romance right here, right now, regardless of surroundings. Our modern day misconstruement of values doesn’t help clarify things either. Like groupthink we perpetuate the synonymy Romance=Luxury. Don’t get me wrong. Im not a hypocrite. That shit is nice. But that shit doesn’t define Romance. Don’t cheapen Romance like that. It is much more than simply superfluity. Let yourself ever get really pissed off for some odd reason, or get into a really bad fight with your mate while on location at one of those lavish destinations, and suddenly all of the millions of dollars in extravagant ambience wont feel soo enchanting. The feeling won’t even be able to penetrate you. It would be like giving tons of gold to someone who’s dying of thirst in the desert. Irrelevant! And yes, Romance is a feeling people!! It’s the end result of applying the romantic principles.

It’s not the price of the gifts and services that makes it romantic. It’s the value that it holds to the recipient. “To truly romance someone, you must truly get to know them.” Know what they value. You have to know what emotional deposits are from their frame of reference, not yours. In a relationship romance is an investment. And it pays good dividends. You wouldn’t think of making countless withdrawals from your bank without ever making a deposit now would you? No difference. Make those romantic deposits. What happens if you don’t put more wood on the flame? Fire goes out. You’ll be hard-pressed to find many good examples in today’s media or celebrity couples of true romance. See in his time, a knight was a staple in his community, a leader. His endearment example was seen by all, and commonly respected. People sought to have a sense of that for them, perpetuating the aura.

It’s time for us to take back Romance from greedy merchants and Debeer’s! Romance is OURS! And they didn’t invent it. You! are going to have to demand Romance for yourself . Just because you don’t have unlimited resources to provide expensive gifts doesn’t mean you can’t Romance your lover.

The feeling of romance is derived from a fulfillment of needs. Made possible by applying the principles of Romance. The principles of Appreciation, Humility, and the ‘little things’. A deep heartfelt gratitude! No need to tally romantic acts, gifts, or destinations. Just use the principles.

A story I read once illustrates it perfectly, It goes…”A wife had recently joined a self-improvement program. In it, she was directed to go home and ask her husband to list 6 things she could do to help her become a better wife. She does, and the husband, not telling her that he had thought of six things right away, had the immediate hind-thought, if she wanted she could list a thousand things about him. So he replies, ‘Hmm, let me think about it overnight and give you an answer in the morning.’ The next morning he gets up very early, calls the florist and have them send 6 red roses to his wife with a note saying ‘I can’t think of  six things I would like to change about you. I love you the way you are.’ When he arrived at home that evening, who do you think greeted him at the door! That’s right. His wife! She was almost in tears. Boy was he glad he had not criticized her as she had requested.” That story epitomizes it. That husband was thinking with a ‘romantic mind’, one of appreciation and consideration.

Most of Romance is about making emotional deposits. This is done by knowing your mate, knowing which kindness’ which gestures matter most to you mate, you can make pivotal key deposits. The little deposits add up. Like saying please, thank you, can I help you, and I’m sorry, when applicable. I believe its as keynote speaker Stephen Covey says “See ultimately this small kindness’, this gentility, this consideration, this respect, builds huge deposits, similarly small discourtesies, small unkindness’, little forms of disrespect eventually create huge withdrawals from the emotional bank account…the little things are the big things.” That’s Romance! Its not some four million dollar diamond ring, because you fucked up.

I admire Beyonce’s  song “Cater to you”

“Baby, I see you working hard I want to let you know I’m proud Let you know that I admire what you do The more I need to reassure you”
A beautiful song reinstating what Romance is about. Just follow the principles.

date pic 4

The Principles

Romance is Appreciation– like catering to your love. Breakfast in bed, Massages, dancing the night away with them, gifts, date nights.

Romance is the “Little things”- like compliments, common courtesies, small considerations, love notes, thoughtful texts, holding hands.

Romance is Humility– like compromising, respect, communicating, sharing.

The other day a friend of mine who is single, asked me “what is wrong with the guys these days?” she said on dates they have no manners, know nothing of etiquette. I didn’t have an immediate answer for her. But what I was thinking was, who picked these guys? A lot of these mistakes are just ignorance, disrespect or selfishness. These guys obviously are not trying to romance you. Those guys are just begrudgingly putting in “work” until they can get to the nookie, as fast as they can, as least involved as they can. And many times in these guys world, woman let them get away with that. Evidently very little value is placed on the small things. Watch the principles he applies, Does he treat you with respect, is he own time, makes sure your needs are met. If your date’s values are not in line with yours, its on to the next. Romance is caring. It’s Respect.

Many women today say a good man is hard to find. That chivalry is dead. I always wonder who killed it. Lol. You see many women are screaming for romance and don’t even know it. They don’t even know what’s missing. They just know that something is. Somewhere along the way, it became characterized that romantic guys are dweebs, corny weaklings, overly sensitive softies, too insecure to be strong. I say it’s quite to the contrary, to display romance one must be full of confidence, often a leader, not caring what others think of him and his displays. A caterer, someone who would display a sense of humility, and be protective of those he loves. Someone who is not deceitful, strongly attached to his mate, manifesting loyalty.

The expression goes “Its easy to fall in love, but much harder to stay there.” That’s what romantic love is about. Staying there! I’ve heard some artistic, thespian, Shakespearean-like renditions of “Romance’ implying it to be affection so compelling because of its perpetual unattainable-ness. As if its sexiness, its lure, its Passion is tied to it’s ever unfulfillment. As if by universal law it is destined to stay on the move. I disagree; somehow I feel they only propagate this enigma because they, as many people don’t know how to keep it. It is easier to accept that it automatically must leave. Perhaps the; “and they lived happily ever after” idea just isn’t provocative, seductive enough. True Romance takes work! It takes planning and preparation. Too often we get the guy or the girl, and we get lazy, saying I don’t need to impress them, I’ve already got them. Don’t do that. Strive to Live romantically Everyday. The significance, the spirit is priceless! The emotional contributions will keep your relationship Passionately wealthy!

How do you feel about romance? lets chop it up! leave a comment.


Inspired Songs

I’ll Make Love to You – Boys II Men

For the First Time – The Script

The Hot and Cold Game: A foreplay episode

Envision, Fire! Heat, trapped in a container swelling approaching combustion! Or a huge pot of scorching scalding hot boiling water, overflowing the top. That’s what it resembles. Taking a great ball of agitated energy and commanding it to lay motionless for a period, in this case a cataclysm of Lust. Imagine an intimate encounter that gestures time to stand still. Brain chemicals release infecting the furthest extremites of your limbs. More than a rush, more than a sensation, a continued flow, a sustained cultivation of exhilaration. It’s a passage on the road of ecstasy leading up to the gates of intercourse.

Do you cherish the intimate moments shared with your lover? That quality time strengthens your relationship!  Do you try to send planets in orbit when you kiss your lover! Im talking about demonstrating lover’s delight with real adoration. Is there a special someone that you’re ready to take it to the next level with? Well, there’s a fun little game I like to play.

This game may not be for everyone. So ask yourself first, do you?

  • Believe in the Art of Making Love (oh it is an art!). As in savoring the moment. Aiming to please.
  • Take pride in connecting with your lover.
  • Appreciate and understand the subtleties of lovemaking and why it’s sometimes the small things that can set you apart.
  • Love to Kiss!
  • Believes that great foreplay is a perfect precursor for orgasmic sex.

If this describes you then welcome to the realm of Passion. That electricity that can be felt when you touch someone. Watch them reflect your intent and energy, and say ‘Take it”. Lol. Passion is contagious, it’s endeared and reciprocated. Kissing games and sex games make great jumpstarts for it. So there’s this sexy amusement, I like to call it the hot and cold game. There’s all sorts of variations, lots of different activities, that’s the fun it, looking them up seeking them out.

The point of this contest is to make your lover SIZZLE! It can definitely lead to the tipping point where you both go all in. Evil grin.

As you read, try to “sense” what I’m saying. Picture yourself in the moment going through similar motions, experiencing the aura created.

The ambience is comfortable, relaxed, and tranquil. It should be conducive to undistracted focus without fear of interruption. The lighting, perhaps candle light, your choice as long as you can still see each other. For music-lovers, R&B or some other low tempo music playing in the background. No need to go out of your way to make it overly romantic. You are about to create with your own spirit, your own intent, a charming, euphoric vibe. Try sipping on wine or your favorite cocktail; not to get drunk, but to chill, slightly tipsy at most. At this point, there isn’t a care in the world, just you and your sweetheart. You are positioned very close to each other in some cozy manner. Real close eye contact, pupil close. You’ll want to be looking into your partners eyes for longer periods than normal. Its apart of the bonding.

If you’ve never done this before I recommend a listen to a song or two, which might aid in helping you get a feel for the sentiment and mindset you want to be in during this session. Listen to the song “I like” by Jeremih, It’s a good example of the feel and pace you want to approach it with. And a just plain cool song.  Songs like”12 play” by Rkelly relate you to the idea of a multi-stage intimate episode, like serving a multi course meal. So there you are, your playmate in front of you, you can feel the Deep energy, the attraction. What’s next?

Mentally get into character, think of yourself as the French Deep Sea Underwater Explorer, Jacques Cousteau on one of his deep sea odysseys.  Leave no stone unturned. But not all at once, you take it at pace, knowing you are on an erogenous zone hunt. Just like when hunting prize, you cant just rush in, you’ll alert the prey. Going straight for the kill is a no no. Start mildly and zone in as the fun progresses. You can take the foreplay as far as you want to go, clothes or no clothes depending on your comfort level and what hot spots you want to target. Being patient is the key, if you wanna win.

So the scene is set. Now you create the mood. Gaze into your companion’s eyes. Give them a look with real immersion, mixed with adoration. Talk to your mate with your eyes, don’t be afraid to express yourself non-verbally too, some things are best said without vocals. Appeal to the intangible, ironic as they may sound in a flesh gratification rendezvous. Say something with your expression like damn, im into you”, look away and then back at your mate, saying phrases like ‘I’m yours’ ‘damn I want you so much right now’ ‘I feel comfortable when I with you’ ‘‘you are all I need’.

Round one, you kiss them, they kiss you back. A delectable kiss, a titillating but brief, yea I know you want more of that kiss. Draw them out with this kiss just a little only. Let them start to get engaged, then stop, suddenly and quickly. Take their lip with you. Haha just kidding. Stroke your lover’s ego. Tell them their lips taste like skittles. “Giving her the right kiss can be a total game changer” says sex coach, Jenna Couture of jennatime.com.

So that’s one round. After each one, take a 5 minute break whilst getting vocal with some inquisitive questions like “how does that feel?”, “Is that how you like it? “ This is bonding time. Appeal to your mate’s ego. Tell them when you first saw them what you liked about them. What you were really thinking when you first got to meet them. Tell them some of the sexy things you like about them. Let your pride out the door for now. Get real, tell your mate what turns you on. You’re taking a breather but don’t bore them oh no, keep the topics intimate; you wanna slow down the mood, not kill it. If you aren’t good at talking passionately, maybe read some erotic fiction in between cycles. You can taunt them with dares if you are feeling brave, like “when its my turn next, I dare you to let me pour that hot wax on your…” Keep a level of tension, sexual frustration there, slightly cool off, but don’t put the Passion in the freezer, cus you’re about to heat it right back up in a minute.

Now it’s your turn again. Your mental rolodex spins, should I lick, a kiss, a caress, a stroke, a massage, a grab, a tug, a bite, use one of your most powerful tools, your imagination. Don’t rush, hell no. Breath deep, again, Breath deep. Tongue stroke the outer ear, teasing in circles with your tip, before engulfing the lobe in your chops, slightly nibbling savoring the taste and terrain. Whisper something titillating, “you get me really heated” Your mate lets out an “mmmm”. During intermissions look them in the eyes again, don’t be afraid to stare right into the iris. See if you can catch a glimpse of their souls. Can your see it. What kind of intuition do you pick up? Catch any erotic advice from it? Listen closer. Lol. Now where were we, time to get provocative! Summon your alter ego you should be feeling sexy. Seductively bite your lip, slowly reach behind your beloved’s head, and brush the hair aside to expose the Nape of their neck. Deep inhale, move in to blanket the surface with a slow breeze of thermal exhalation. Follow it with a tongue slither and some exquisite kisses.

Oh yes, you can feel the scene starting to dance with excitement. Stay focused; remember, giving your mate goose bumps means you are right on target. Take your lovers hand, support it facing palm up revealing the wrist. Use your other hand’s index finger and real softly and smoothly make a circular motion right at the bend point, then spiraling out. A few back and forth strokes using just the tips of your fingers can do wonders. It’s all in the hands. Add in some tongue pats, and your lover should have some chills. “Just kissing and touching places you’re not used to will draw extra excitement in the sheets!” relates Jenna Couture in one of her video blogs.

Getting back to the lips, like a smart boxer staying busy on the whole body, working upstairs, downstairs, then back upstairs for the knock out punch. In this long kiss we will savor the sweetness of candy lips and bubble gum tongue. Move in slow. Get in real close. Head tilt, Nose to nose, cheeks pressed. Teasing works great when you’re kissing. Don’t just dive right into a deep kiss, it should be tantalizing. Let’s mesmerize your lover with this long kiss. Have them fully engaged. “This is a highly erotic exchange, in which each lover is almost feasting with animal passion on the mouth of the other. You can really bond as you eat your way into this delicious kiss” tells Anne Hooper, in ‘Guide to the Kamasutra.’ Draw your lover out. Play with the energy back and forth. Take their lips, let them take yours. Tongue is good but not too much, mimic your suitor. Kissing is a conversation mouth to mouth. Hands can roam this time, caressing and exploring. But don’t get too sidetracked with multi-tasking. The priority is the kiss, zoned in. Synonyms for the word tantalize are torment and torture. For example, After your kiss if you were to tell your mate that there’s no sex tonight, and they don’t give you a look of disappointment. You didn’t kiss them right. Don’t really do that, it’s just an illustration.

Rivaling a tennis match. You go, they go, take turns. Cooling off, heating up, subduing the arousal, gradually guiding you to ecstasy. My example is just a start, this amusement can go on for hours, continuing to hit hot spots, behind the knees, her buttocks, inner thighs, breasts, clitoris. Do it right and you’ll be able to cut the sexual tension with a knife. As a matter of fact that’s the whole point, holding back the energy, the build up, the seduction, which at any moment wants to overpower you.

Try to feel what your mate is feeling. Imagine yourself experiencing their pleasure at the exact moment you are administering it. There is no real downtime in a love-making interlude, you are always experiencing either when giving or receiving. “Imagine that every touch you are bestowing on your partner can be felt by you”, Anne Hooper.

This entry is to inspire you to give the attention owed to foreplay, and get creative with erogenous zones. You don’t have to play a game every night with your lover; it will lose its appeal. Just as the John Mayer song says, ‘your body is a wonderland’. Every now and then set time aside for you and your mate to re-explore each other. It adds more dimensions to your sexuality, really making it more fulfilling. So much so, it becomes an highly anticipated precursor for both partners. I know as guys we a lot of time we love to skip the foreplay and get right down to the nitty gritty. This is just one of many games. Add in a Hot spot indicator, perform an act, ask your mate, on a scale of 1-10 how did it feel. A 1 being so so, 10 being OMG!  Take the foreplay as far as you want to go, Find the most unknown provocative spots on your mate’s body. Some lovers wager on who is the first to crack. Crack, as in can’t wait any longer. AarrgrGh!! If you prefer, incorporate some props to rub on the body like feathers, soft fabrics, oils, rollers, condiments etc. but honestly these aren’t prerequisites. Every couple is different. Put your own spin on it.

What activities do you like to play with your mate? Don’t be shy.  Leave a comment, let’s chop it up.