Empower Her

“Let her be the ocean. Encourage her to be as free as the ocean, as deep as the ocean, as wild as the ocean, and as powerful as the ocean.” -David Deida

Let’s peer behind the closed doors during a sexual episode, “Wow babe, damn baby, Oh my Gaawd, babay”. It’s not a porno, no acting, its actual bonding. Sounds you may hear from the love quarters of a sexually empowered couple. This session might have started with her giving him, The Look. A lick of the lips, a stroke down his back. Uttering a few illicit words, Some stimulating embraces with navigating hands, and fire hot foreplay resembling a steamy scene.

And so their intimate session went back and forth, until they both climaxed, like a well choreographed dance! Much of sex is like a dance two bodies moving in rhythm, working in harmony. This is why empowerment is so important, by both parties.

For “All the world’s a stage”, a popular quote in a play by the famous –William Shakespeare. I can’t think of anywhere this phrase is truer than in the bedroom when you’re performing for your #1 Fan. And this is the kind of show you not only aim to please, but want to be asked back for more than one encore! You’ve honed your skills through many rehearsals, so turn down the lights and produce some remarkable enjoyment. Every man loves it when he and his lady are both sexually liberated in the bedroom! While the concept is simple enough to understand, somewhere, somehow, something gets lost in translation. If preconceived erroneous notions of bedroom formalities by either partner enters the sex den, you can forget about creating a spectacular sexual collaboration with your partner.

All too often cultural morals, religious views, dominant male paradigms, or feminine stereotype paradigms has ill equipped us to be great sexual counterparts. When it comes to sex, in a way our society has done women a disservice. Women are taught they if they are too sexually expressive, indulgent, are just outright enjoy sex too much then they are sluts and dirty. Jessica Valenti in her book, ‘He’s a stud, She’s a slut: The Sexual Double Standard’ writes, “I was called a slut when I had the nerve to talk about sex. I was called a slut when I wore a bikini on a weekend trip with high school friends. It seems the word slut can be applied to any activity that doesn’t include knitting, praying or sitting perfectly still…” These are the types of situations and labels our women have to encounter. There are countless scenarios she may have to be dealing with, or trying to overcome while attempting to establish a good intimate relationship with her lover. The way I see it, your romantic escapades are up to her and you to define, and to create with pleasure.

Sexual empowerment can be an eye opening experience, but needs to be handled with the greatest of care. Each step of the way both partners need to feel understood, comfortable, and in control. Time will tell wether you are on two different wave lengths and just aren’t sexually compatible. A mate could be so sexually repressed or inexperienced that they don’t truly know how to relax and enjoy sex. If that’s the case be understanding and take things slow. More often than not it’s just a matter of getting both partners to open up. Determining if you two are sexually compatible shouldn’t be a major obstacle. As long as you are mostly on the same page when it comes to your bedroom antics.

Every mate has a kinky side and it’s up to you to find it. Theres a saying, “good girls are bad girls that never get caught”. Lol. Its funny but a lot of truth to it. Look at it as, its your job to help your partner find their sexual identity or as I like to call it, sexual ownership. It’s your job to find out your mates taboo fantasies if they have any. It’s your job to be your mate’s sexual caretaker. It’s you two’s private sexual odyssey, your journey to enjoy together.

In his article ‘5 Things Bad Boys Do In The Bedroom That Make Women Addicted To Sex’ Adam A Armstrong says “To demonstrate to your woman that you are strong and sexually confident, you must lead your woman in the bedroom. Real men lead in the bedroom, whereas weak men expect their women to take the lead.” I agree with some of that ideology, but not all of it. Young males learn this mentality, and that’s the extent of their knowledge for sexual dynamics with a woman. Take woman! Me Tarzan! You Jane!. Don’t get it twisted, I’m not advocating a man take some permanent submissive role in the bedroom and expect his lady to be some kind of Dominatrix (no offense if you’re into that sort of thing). The issue Im relating to here stems from our male dominant society. This is the reason that men can be totally oblivious to the idea of nurturing our female counterpart’s to also become great lovers. Maybe because we want it to be all about US, or maybe some other reason. But we need to Let it be about Her too! Just like a guy sexing up his woman can be a great ego stroke, a woman using her ‘sex intelligence to make his toes curl, can be a good ego boost as well. Recording artist The Dream has a song entitled “Sex Intelligent” yes, its an actual song title. In the song He goes on to brag about his sexual prowess and how addicted his lover is to his pleasure giving savvy. As men, this is what we aspire to in the bedroom. To us, this is the Pinnacle. To show her, Your expertise. And if the proof is in the pudding, ie; her multiple orgasms, lol, its hard to see why you argue otherwise. Except for one thing. You CAN argue otherwise. The level above this so called Pinnacle, is, Sharing The Stage, allowing your lover to express her sexual savvy, ownership, and Empowerment as well.

You know the expression iron sharpens iron. Yeah another cliché right. But it makes a great analogy. The more empowered and on top of her game your partner is, the better for the both of you. You have a legitimate ying and a yang. A compliment of each other, a complete circle. When one tool is constantly sharpening the other, or one energy source constantly re-energizing the other your capacity for intimate play and pleasure just increased exponentially. An empowered woman in a bedroom carries her own weight. She plays her part in the show. Breaking the mold of the average shell all begins with Empowerment! What are some ways to go about doing this?

Inviting your partner to increase their sexual aptitude should flow in a natural progression. One thing is for sure no amount of coercion is going to get you anywhere is the Relationship needs aren’t first met. “Women have difficulty separating sex from emotions such as closeness, attachment, trust, love and support.” says Dr. Jennifer Berman, MD of Medicinenet.com. So make sure your mate feels like you have her best interest at heart and aren’t being condescending.

Did you know that in order to successfully communicate, you have to meet in the middle. Empowerment isn’t about changing someone. We are talking about taking someone under your wing, developing them by communicating. Psychologically you have to understand where the other person is coming from for effective communication. Put yourself in there shoes so to speak. The same is with sexual empowerment and development; you first want to meet your mate halfway. Let her know how you feel, that you are unrestrained by male or feminine stereotypes, and she needn’t be bound by them either. The goal is to create an environment where sexual expression for one another is second nature, creative and frequent. Reassure her you have the utmost love and respect for her and what you do is between you and her ONLY.

 Because everything you do for a good woman, will come back to you a hundred fold. I promise you, you’ll be no less manly for it! You just might have created a beautiful Monster!

Let’s chop it out. Leave a comment of what you think it means to be sexually empowered.


What is Passion?

Think back!, waay back. Remember when you had your First Real makeout session. That’s right; I mean the first Goood one. Recall the intense rush of emotions and ecstasy that overcame you. You might of even gotten light headed from the blood rush, hormones and brain chemicals racing all over the place. All of your senses suddenly heightened, heart pace quickened, there was surge in body heat and you zoned out, being swept up by that euphoric energy. “Bam! you thought, What is this?” and you were instantly hooked. That was your first taste of Passion!! And a quick reminder just in case you had forgotten. Lol. Passion is real and doesn’t have to be short lasting, Its even something you can experience over and over again with the same caring partner.

Sadly, everyday I hear about a relationship that’s lost its intimate Passion or about one that never really had it. And I cant help but think, wow that couple is really missing out, and it happens, more often than we think. “Sex, or “the cookie” …is a major point of contention for many couples. If you don’t think it’s important…you’re wrong!” says Steve Harvey in his popular bestseller. And I have to agree with him. Once that’s the case, the handwriting is on the wall so to speak, you know what’s next, cheating and eventually break up. The numbers say that when women cheat, 40% of them do so for the “emotional connection” which is lost in their relationship. And 40% of the males that cheat do so for variety. I dare to say a lot of couples don’t maintain a real passionate sex life. Imagine if they did, sure, the connection the women mean comes before the sex, but consider this, if you engaged in passionate intimacy with your partner on a regular basis, you would attest to its power as a relationship strengthener. The very nature of true passionate bonding reinforces and maintains emotional connection. Passion is men’s and women’s ally. I’ll tell you what, when you come with passion and enthusiasm in the bedroom, you raise the skill bar, making it harder for other “tempters” to measure up. Your mate will be less likely to stray from where he or she already has it “good”. That’s just real talk. And in general, the experts say that most people cheat for the ‘Thrill’ it brings. Duhh! Cus that’s Passionate! The point is, Passion = mate sexually satisfied.

Fortunately, the single most important factor needed to bring Passion is not too difficult to do. It’s a tweak in our thinking. That’s right, a mental focus shift we can learn to come equipped with before you even touch your lover. Let’s delve in a little deeper to my take of what Passionate sex is and then ill explain.

First let’s draw a clear distinction of what it is not, or how passionate sex differs from sex. Generally speaking we’ll make 3 categories of sex. a) strictly physical sex, b) Love sex, and c) Passionate sex. For the sake of being blunt, strictly physical sex is otherwise known as, ‘fucking’. No explanation needed, no emotional connection is trying to be made here. Next, Love Sex, otherwise know as ‘love-making’ And finally the 3rd which is what Ill call (At Will) Passionate sex. I know what some of you are thinking Love making can sometimes be passionate, mmm, it can, have some passionate overtones, more specifically in the beginning. But allow me to continue and we will dissect a little more. If you take an honest look at it, love making doesn’t remain potent and sexually satisfying over long periods of time because it becomes routine and mundane. Even when you’re still in love with that person.

While beautiful it is, with love making you more or less rely on the Passion to come automatically, like it does when a sexual partner is new. Simply because you’re ‘in love’ or are feeling frisky! And like gas in a tank, Love momentum runs out and fails to spark the passion flame. Let’s see, what are the ingredients of Love sex? Its loving, tender, reassuring, emotionally connecting, tame, its calculating, practical, predictable, lackluster, its DULL! What are the ingredients of Passionate sex? Its lustful, energetic, bountiful, emotionally connecting, has major intent, unselfish, a lot of giving and taking, has properly timed aggression, its pleasure provoking, still loving, and captivating! Relate it to your taste buds, and imagine if your favorite Italian dish was prepared with only a couple sprinkles of salt and some pepper. Instead of the way you like, with basil, garlic, rosemary, sage, oregano, marjoram, paprika, thyme, and cilantro. See what Im getting at.

You can say Passion is the best of both worlds, or all 3 sex categories we mentioned wrapped in one. It’s bonding on a physical, emotional, lustful, and spiritual level. You can relate to it, its close in feel to that beginning period when you are having sex with a partner that you are still highly infatuated with, you’re not in love yet, but you are ready to fall in love, you completely trust them, give into them, and are ready to bond with them, on the deepest erotic level. You enjoyed that period didn’t you, everybody does! And yet we feel that period inevitably has to end, and will eventually transition into “love making” sex, thus doomed forever. 😦 Until we can escape! 🙂

The good news is that everyone has in their power to release passion and make a deeper connection and stronger commitment to bonding with your mate in the bedroom. Is it some mystic unreachable level ? Not at all.  Its part of our makeup as human beings. “You are a whole person made up of body, soul, and spirit, when you make love with only your body, you’re getting only one third of the sex. Spirit and soul like sex too, and they add immensely to the pleasure”.-Thomas Moore. You don’t have to be religious to know that humans aren’t just flesh and bones, we are part energy, spirit, emotion, electric frequency, or however you choose to refer to it. And we can use the right mindset to access that spiritual energy of ourselves. Just like igniting something, in this case Passion. Passion is, communing on the Next level. Let’s just say if you follow the flow of Passion it’ll guide you to your sixth sense. What is that 6th sense? it’s the power of Intuition. You intuitively now connect to your mates desires thus fulfilling them, leading to satisfaction.

It can make you feel like your very souls are uniting. Passion is when you savor every touch, every taste; it’s when you relinquish all thought, to become one with to moment, one with the connection, one with your mate, one with the electric current that is flowing between you two. It’s such a powerful mental escape; it can even make you environs, less of a priority. Remember it’s mentally sparked whenever you call on it, meaning it’s as powerful as you can be. At Will Passion isn’t dependant upon emotional steam. It creates it’s on own emotional drive. And that’s why your brain is the single most powerful tool here. You ever seen someone jumpstart a car? Conceptually its something like that. Metaphorically like flicking a switch, turning off everything else, all outside distractions, all interferences, no mental multitasking, and turning on the zone to one track mindedness and the realm of Passion and Intuition. It’s captivating, once you release it, your mate will feel it and join you. 

It’s a practice that you can learn to in grain deep inside you. If Passion is the car, The brain is the ignition. It need not have prerequisites; you don’t have to be tipsy, financially rich, or super infatuated to experience it. You don’t even have to be in love, though love adds to its power. It is merely conjured from a frame of mind, predicated from your desire to deeply connect. We all know there’s things about the brain scientist will never understand. The brain holds the key to the sixth sense. We can see this in so many areas, and just like it holds the intuition to many things, it also holds the X-factor to Passion. Yes there’s multiple ways to  spark passion but none quicker, more reliable, more sustainable, than self ignited passion (At Will).

 What is passion to you? Have you ever had any one of a kind passionate experiences? Leave a comment. Lets chop it up.