Objectify You

“Some women are lost in the fire; some women are built from it.” -Michelle K.

“Confidence is owning your own authentic truth.” -G. Bernstein

“I think it’s quite possible we were born for each other.” – Diego Rivera, Frida Kahlo

A lively Friday evening in So Cal. Its date night, great restaurant, exquisite eats, enticing vibe. As dinner settles the lights dim, chatter quiets, a drum riff drops and a spotlight emits revealing the silhouette of a perfect frame. She is poised in a pose struck so hard flamingos would be jealous. Her long brunette waves falling ever so gracefully down her pronounced back. She commences slowly with a confident sexy ease.

No welcoming smile from this diva, she maintains a beaming gaze with a seductive sparkle in her eyes. Leather corset hugging her curves like a sports car. She parades down the cat walk swaying hips hard from side to side at each bass drop of the music. Sleek hosiery kissing her smooth toned thighs feature her diamond-shaped calves. Core stamina exemplified in each artistic maneuver on the center pole. A surplus of passion emerges from her pores to infiltrate the circulating air. She bears an egocentric charisma that birth from erotic prowess. We marvel at this well practiced burlesque dancer. For the moment she is our goddess in the art of seduction captivating the whole audience! Advantage, hers.

Yet it depends on who you ask. Some would quicker condemn it as filth and lewd conduct than art. The viewpoints you’ll get are all across the board. Some from aware women concerned with the lustful and objectified way in which women are portrayed. And other’s frustrated on a personal level with daily challenges she receives from the behavior of young men influenced by the perpetuation of a chauvinist mentality.

Is a ‘sex sells’ capitalistic culture shattering their faith in humanity? An agenda of exploiting young women’s sex appeal is certainly not restoring it. Many are disheartened by the lack of defenders of female’s image. Some to the point of being quite disillusioned. One young professional in her online blog expressed her feelings:

“When was the last time you heard a man describe a woman with an adjective that isn’t dripping in sexual innuendos and defaming premises? When was the last time you heard a man describe a woman by something that compliments her soul and her inherent elegance? When was the last time you heard a man describe a woman as beautiful?” –Lauren Martin, ‘The Actual difference between women who are hot and who are beautiful’

I get it I get it. It’s overdue for men to collectively reflect on how we are contributing to the debasement of women. We live in a beauty-obsessed culture where women are condescendingly expected to ‘know their place’. Where is the emphasis placed on what really makes a woman attractive? Why can you sooner find a unicorn than a gentleman? It reminds me of the adage, “We live in a world where people know the cost of everything and the value of nothing.” These are manifestations of a skewed value system. Men toying with women’s feelings for sport like it’s a game. Human insecurities at their worst.

I’ll say this, A real man knows a woman’s worth. He’s not afraid to pay tribute to your abilities and talents. You’re his Queen. His Rock. You inherently are affection, intelligence, strength, charm, and passion culminated in one. Looks alone will never make a woman truly beautiful. Your internal essence is what makes you glow.

And while a Representative voice is beneficial inversely a dictating proponent could spell turmoil. It’s a negative when you see ‘organizations’ supposedly acting in your best interest who mostly seek to bully and shame you into fitting their narrow mold of some ideal. I think it’s a mistake to assume that all humans are robotically the same. When we know that we are all multi-faceted, all unique in many ways. What if who you really are, was frowned upon without validity solely because of someone else’ preference? What if the agenda was to control you by routinely discrediting your value, basing it on qualities you don’t possess and holding you to some impossible standard?

“We are constantly made to feel that we should be prettier, thinner, sexier, more successful, make more money, be better moms, better wives, better lovers, et cetera…the subtext is clear: We should feel bad because we have fallen short in so many ways from some imagined ideal–we have tummies, not abs; we are undesirable because we don’t always feel like sex kittens (or because we do); we are incompetent because we don’t have a color-coded filing system for our recipes or papers; we are not trying hard enough because we are not a senior vice president or on a corporate board or in a corner office. Even the very existence of the phrase “having it all,” no matter how it’s debated, is, in effect, implying that we’re somehow not measuring up.” –Arianna Huffington, Thrive

The pitfall is getting lost in the whirlwind, losing your center to a perfection syndrome. Don’t let the battle for women’s honor become a stumbling block for developing a beautiful passionate relationship with the love of your life.

When the very first human couple gazed upon each other it was love at first sight. She was the greatest creation Adam had yet beheld. The instant fascination, admiration, infatuation for Eve moved him to write the first poem ever. He said “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.” He was to protect her, provide for her, love her, and be a lead for her. And though women don’t necessarily need to rely on anyone. Man’s job hasn’t changed.

And neither has his adoration for women.

Ladies don’t demand that men fake the funk. Civilized manners, yes, Insincere, no. One of my concerns in hearing these women’s justified exasperations is that, in correction we go so far pushing beauty, sex, and intimacy to the other extreme that we make it obscure and taboo. To do this would be a disservice, not to mention making us hypocritical of something that was meant to be beautiful.

Regardless of the prevalent role that society tries to shape you in, you will know yourself, know your worth. There is nothing more alluring than a confident, strong-minded, empathetic, humble person. Nothing. There is no shame in owning your sexuality. Own it.

Men demonstrating respect for his better half is a key element. And I believe at the heart of the matter, it’s what we are really talking about. It’s not about how much or how little he drools over your aesthetics. But that he treats you with the respect and appreciation you deserve and need, in public and in private. If I’m infatuated with your lady lumps, it doesn’t mean I’m incapable of loving you. It doesn’t mean I’m blinded from valuing your character. It doesn’t mean I love you improperly, It doesn’t mean I love you more. It just means ‘I love all of you.’

The Misogynist’ Proposal

Came across a billboard the other day says I objectify you my dear

But I don’t think they know how I feel about you my dear

You’ve the cutest little feet I’ve ever seen

Your sense of style impeccable and your walk is mean

It a be a lie if I said it wasn’t your physique I first noticed

But you were the first to ever bring me to a place of purpose.

Dream state when I’m with you on a constant high

The last touch I want to feel before I die

That elated heartbeat you feel as you lay on my chest

Should let you know of anything you ask I’ll confess

Last week we had a day which seemed like a stress test

So we spent the whole night reversing its affects

When your honey pot deluges and I start to release

That’s when I know our soul’s are at peace

Two things I love the sound of my name off your lips

And lazy days together spent caressing your hips

A beautiful mind you’re my coach when I’m off my game,

Just the right words to put the picture in a new frame

Like a wild horse my love comes of the passionate kind

As I ravish you in the moonlight you never seem to mind

You had me out the gate I was anxious from the start

But I fell in love when I saw the size of your big heart

They say for a shallow man loyalty is too tall of a task

Just don’t lose that spark in your eyes is all that I ask

Mesmerized by our connection, when we come around they perk up and listen

But what we do behind close doors is only our business

I give my oath and my honor if you tell me you can stand

These candid words from a misogynist man.

One thought. Passionate minds have always encountered great opposition. Don’t expect everyone to understand. “He looked at her the way all girls wanted to be looked at.” ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald. Yes.… To be objectified by the right person, for the right reasons, in the right way, is a blessing.